you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
