hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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