I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
