and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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