I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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