Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
