I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drake has all the answers
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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