I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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