You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
