Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize