well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize