we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
