We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
