Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
