Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
