all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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