Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize