May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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