I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
