im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
