Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
