WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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