I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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