Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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