If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize