he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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