Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
