In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
