I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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