I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish you could order shots online.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
