I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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