Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
