do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
