Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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