i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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