my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My balls are so social today.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
