just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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