my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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