I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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