Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
