did you get engaged???
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
