dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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