i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
COCAINE IS GR8
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
