yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize