Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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