his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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