I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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