If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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