now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize