This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
