She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize