i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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