i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
