i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
