I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
