I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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