Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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