The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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