i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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