so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
