Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
