How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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