All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I checked into jail on foursquare
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
