talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
