hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
