at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Damn victory sex feels great
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
