eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
