How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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