Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
