We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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