to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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